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Catherine Alexandria

Friday After Ash Wednesday

Posted on 2010.02.19 at 22:17
Dear Lord,

I am hungry, I am exhausted, and I am irritable (partly because I am tired and hungry, and partly because it seems to be my default mood). 

It never ceases to amaze me that I can be such an amateur as a Christian -- neglecting my prayer life, losing my patience with friends and family -- yet still manage to live in a constant state of criticism of the world around me that I can't control. 

Today my irritation culminated when a friend, a kind and gentle person, thanked me for my service of standing vigil at the abortion clinic for 40 Days for Life.  Interiorly I thought:  Don't thank me, because I'm not doing it for you.  Why don't you consider HELPING so I wouldn't have to spend two or three hours at a time?  

There are surely hundreds of thousands of Christians in this town. But they sure aren't standing with us in the cold at Planned Parenthood.  Their silence is deafening.  Their absence is crushing.

-- Catherine


Catherine Alexandria

Thursday After Ash Wednesday

Posted on 2010.02.18 at 21:45
Dear Lord,

Today is also Day Two of 40 Days for Life.  It didn't take long for the harassment to start; this very morning the police showed up and ordered us to move our signs to the other side of the street.  What a disgrace to American law enforcement.  

But my disgust with the police notwithstanding, it seems clear, Lord, that I have a problem with hypersensitivity to the faults (real and perceived) of others.  Today especially I felt very prickly and easily irritated.  Why can't I experience the peace that passes all understanding?  Why must I always be so anxious and troubled?  I pray for peace and get none.  I pray for protection and feel none.  Where are you?  Are you listening?  Or have you turned your back on me?  Is it because I disgust you?  Is it because of some un-confessed, yet un-repented-of sin?  Is it because I do not try hard enough?

What am I to do?  I need your help to do better, but it seems I do not get your help until I do better.  I shall keep going, because what else shall I do?  Where else can I go, Lord? You alone have the words of eternal life.

-- Catherine



Catherine Alexandria

Ash Wednesday

Posted on 2010.02.17 at 19:13
Dear Lord,

I was very grieved today when I saw the church packed with people who only wanted dirt, but they did not want you.

They made a point of coming to church at noon so they could be marked with ashes for Ash Wednesday, but they could not stay long enough to receive Holy Communion.  They wanted ashes -- dirt -- but they did not want you. 

Is it wrong of me to be so grieved, when I know I am so grievously sinful myself?

Forgive them, Lord, for surely they know not what they do.

-- Catherine